And that's just the way it goes

Just so you know, results are out. Actually, the portal for online subject selection has been opened an hour and nine minutes ago (as I type this).

Shall be honest. When I received my results, I was really disappointed in certain subjects. Not because I aimed for an A+ and only got an A, but because... being Chinese, I actually scored lower than what I am able to do so in mt. You know, it's really about the expectations: I was unhappy for that but was over the moon when I passed history. FYEAH, YOU CAN GET DOWN AND KISS MY FEET HIST. That would be totally the last History paper I'll ever take in my life. Thank goodness that I have AEP to replace History. Happy for geog essays but not so for DRQ though, guess I'll work on that. Well unfortunately dropping maths next year isn't an option so I shouldn't comment about Madly Math, it's okay la.

After that I calculated my eoy gpa by using the lowest possible scores; like for instance I scored A in EOY but I may not have gotten that grade overall, hence I counted it as a B. Using that, I ended up with a score that allows me to take 8au and was also an improvement from last year. Basically, I wouldn't say that I'm extremely happy but I'm not upset either. I didn't work my hardest for y1 and so I'm quite disappointed that I only improved by, technically, one grade. People tell me that one grade is a huge difference, but is it so? I was really set in changing myself for the better this year, and if my scores have a larger difference... do you understand? It'll make me feel like I had succeeded (ok what am I even saying? Basically I'd feel more shuang hahaha) Secondly, if I go with my guts to take Art next year, my estimated scores would not qualify me for 9au and basically I would need to drop one of the sciences. To me, you might as well take away two pounds of my flesh if you are going to take away one of the sciences from my choice. Lastly, I honestly do not wish to get into any other combi, I only have one set in mind. Thus I seriously have to idea what to select for my 2nd and 3rd choice. People told me to anyhow select, but what if they place me in choice 2 instead? What if appeal doesn't work then? Do I spend the next two years walking down a suicide route?

What if, what if, what if.

Was in a huge dilemma. Because out of the big three problems mentioned, they branch out into a million more questions. How can I choose between my dream combi and my favorite subj in the world? If I take double double what science am I gonna drop? But I'm only good in one humans... What If I didn't even get what I estimated? Can I juggle with so much? Am I even good in art? etc etc you get the point. It sucks, how I have all these doubts when my gpa isn't even finalized. It'd save me a lot on worrying if I do know.

Back to reality. So online subject preference selection opened today. It was 12.24, I was scrolling through twitter to see some people already counting down 2hr++ ago when selection is based on merit and some submitted the form already... okay but I just really didn't want to log in, because I don't have the guts to see my gpa. As the selection form limits choices with regards to your gpa and whether you selected an extra subj, it means that if I selected AEP under the drop down menu for extra subject and I did not get the required gpa, I'd not see 3S1H and 2S2H in my possible combi (9au) drop down menu. So I guess this was it. I selected AEP and I went to see my combi, guess what? So I did see all three combi under the drop down menu after all. Also, sbge subjects were listed at the bottom...

Mixed feelings. First I wondered if there was some kind of a bug or huge glitch which didn't update my scores in the system, and then it hit me that that might be it. Then I kind of was too thrilled to think WOOHOO my darling art we are not parting anymore! This would also signify that I did hit my target for this year and that would be quite a gap with y1 gpa. Subsequently I got worried because I had many talks with my parents regarding what subj combi to put and I did not mention AEP at all (thinking I did not qualify) so this would mean that I would have to deal with 1) can I cope? 2) am I willing to let go taking art? 3) sbge or not? and much more but oh gosh the biggest mystery of all: which subject(s) did I actually get higher than what I think I had gotten?! << going mad thinking about this because I really have no idea.

What a turn of events... Okay whatever right now I'm just gonna think through (again. I hate you, results...) and talk to my parents (again... -_-)

Honestly, I'm not exactly sure if I'm happy now, but I wouldn't say I'm disappointed anymore.

Can't wait for STEP!!! Super super happy that proposed choir chalet dates do not clash with step but one of them do clash with 2E chalet D; fingers crossed that those set of dates don't get selected. Haha :)

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